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This section focuses on options available if you prefer child care arrangments based in the home. You may either choose to directly care for your children or seek the help of other caregivers. For each option, there are certain advantages and disadvantages to be considered. Find out more!
Short training sessions on early childhood care and development are now available for parents, grandparents, baby sitters and maids. Click here to find out more.
Parental Care
For parents who are considering staying at home, there are matters that you will have to work through to decide if this is your best option.
Considerations
Before deciding on being a stay-at-home parent, you should consider the impact it will have on you - both financially and emotionally.
Financial - Sometimes choosing to stay at home creates some tension between couples because it is a complicated economic decision. Make sure that communication is open between couples before the baby arrives. Issues such as budgeting on one income and dependency of the stay-at-home parent on the working one should be discussed.
Dependency may also lead to issues of inadequacy due to inability to contribute financially to the family income. However, there are substantial rewards for providing parental care - consider that choice and openly communicate.
Emotional - Every parent wants to be present to witness the baby's first word and first step and to be the one to soothe a scratched knee.
A professional-turned-stay-at-home parent often faces an identity crisis. As a stay-at-home parent, you may feel isolated and question your self worth when you compare yourself with your working peers. You may have to deal with feelings of stagnation and frustration. It is important to be mentally prepared for the emotional turmoil that you may sometimes experience.
Even if you have come to terms with staying at home, the initial period will be tough as there are many things to learn with regards to taking care of a baby full time. But with practice and experience, you will find that being the constant figure in your children's life is the most wonderful and fulfilling experience.
Advantages and disadvantages
Parental care has its advantages and disadvantages. Carefully consider them before deciding on the care arrangement for your children.
Advantages
If you take care of your child personally, you can tend to his needs and be in touch with his emotional and physical milestones. You can also impart important values and encourage him to do the right thing at the right time directly. Stay-at-home parents feel that they form a stronger bond with their children.
Working parents often find it difficult to balance work and family and end up feeling burnt out. Many parents decide to stay at home after failing to strike a balance between work and family.
For some families, it is actually less expensive for one parent to stay at home than to find an alternative care arrangement for their children.
Disadvantages
If you are accustomed to being surrounded by other adults at work, you may feel a sense of loneliness and alienation. There tends to be no recognition of the hard work being done and no concrete rewards in sight.
Being a stay-at-home parent means that you have to put your career on hold in order to spend time with your child. Your self-esteem may be affected as you realize that you are a minority among your peers who are climbing the corporate ladders.
Tips to make it work
So, you are convinced that you are the best person to care for your children, and you are willing to make the emotional and financial sacrifices - how do you make staying at home work for you?
Network with other stay-at-home parents
Make a conscious effort to make new friends and build a new network with other stay-at-home parents. It is crucial to have daily adult interactions and to get out of the house once in a while. Consider joining a support group for stay-at-home parents in your neighbourhood. You can help look after each other's children so that you can have tension-free breaks without children. You can use this time for small jobs, such as getting a haircut or just have some precious 'alone' time for yourself.
Nurture yourself
While your children may be the centre of your world, it is also important not to neglect your well-being. You must build in some time to do things that you enjoy, such as exercising, reading a book you enjoy, or picking up a foreign language. Keep interested in the world around you and learn new things or take up some hobbies.
Equip yourself with parenting skills
Good parenting skills, like many things in life, do not come naturally. For some of us, it may even be a daunting task. Equipping yourself with some basic parenting skill will help build your confidence as a parent.
Build a strong marriage
A supportive and loving spouse is crucial to the success of the stay-at-home parent. The spouses of stay-at-home parents should not assume that they can relinquish their responsibilities over the children's needs and housework. Offering assistance or a listening ear will help the stay-at-home spouse. Nurture your marriage and take time out to go on a date at least once a month.
Returning to work
Returning to work means balancing your time between work and family. You will need to develop new skills that will help you manage your time so that you meet the different demands of your job and family - planning and yet staying flexible and well organized will keep your stress levels low.
Once you decide to go back to work, you should start looking at various alternative child-care options available to you and explore these options well ahead of the time when you plan to return to work.
Prepare your child
Before you make this change, you should familiarize your child with the caregiver and new surroundings. Make sure that your child feels secure by leaving some familiar objects with the child. You can pack some of his favourite toys, such as a teddy bear or objects, such as a blanket. This will help ease any anxiety during the transitional period when your child is getting used to your absence.
Your children will not be the only persons suffering from the separation when you return to work. If you miss your children, put up a photo of him near you at work. It also helps to talk to colleagues, who may know how you are feeling, to make you feel better and less guilty. Remember that your emotional state is something that your child will pick up - you need to work through your emotions to support your children's change.
Back-up child care plans
It helps to have contingency plans in place for the inevitable times when your children's caregiver is ill or suddenly unavailable. Talk to your spouse, parents, relatives and friends and plan for such an occurrence. Starting from January 2003, some childcare centres offer regular flexible care programmes, which is another avenue for you to consider.
Cope with your emotions
Your children will not be the only persons suffering from the separation when you return to work. If you miss your children, put up a photo of them near you at work. It also helps to talk to colleagues, who may know how you are feeling, to make you feel better and less guilty. Remember that your emotional state is something that your children will pick up - you need to work throught your emotions to support your children's changes.
Care by a Relative
Your relatives are one choice for alternative childcare.
Advantages and Disadvantages
Advantages
Care by a relative, apart from being a cheaper form of childcare, is often more reliable than other alternative care options.
Your children are cared for in yours or your relative's home, which remains as a comforting, non-institutional environment. Your children are also less likely to contract contagious diseases since there is less contact with other children.
Disadvantages
Care by relatives has its disadvantages. Some relatives may have their own way of raising children and ignore your views on child upbringing. This may cause friction and affect your relationship with your relative. Tension may also arise over payment - that will be considered later in the section.
An older relative also may not have the energy to look after your children, especially if they are very active and require a lot of attention from the caregiver. Your relatives must be up to the job before you entrust your children to them.
Making the relationship work: Setting ground rules
To make the relative-caregiver relationship work, you need to discuss various important aspects of care with your relative, just as you would with any other caregivers - issues such as feeding, sleeping arrangements, discipline etc. Set clear ground rules from the start. Let your relative know how you would prefer him/her to handle these issues. Here are some tips:
Discipline. Describe a few scenarios so that your relative understands your approach. For example, advise how you deal with temper tantrums (e.g. by having a time out) and that you don't hit or spank your children (so the caregiver must respect and continue that course of action).
Feeding. Talk about how, when and what you want your children to eat. If your child is an infant, for example, make it clear that you do not want to feed your child with solid foods until he is at least six months old.
Sleep. Inform your relative of your children's sleeping habits. Also, if your child stays at your relative's place, make sure that there is provision for a quiet, safe and clean sleeping place.
Play time. Give your relative a list of the activities you want your children to be involved in, acceptable toys for them to play with and the guidelines for watching TV.
Remuneration for your relative
Should I pay my relative? This is often a question that pops up when considering this option. The answer is - Yes, you should. Your relative is providing a service to your family and should be awarded with more than appreciation. If your relative refuses to accept money, you can find some other ways to compensate such as taking your relative out for dinner, getting something special or paying for household bills.
If it is monetary compensation, you would have to decide how much to give. Child care centre fees range from $300 and $1400. You can use this as a guide when deciding the amount.
Care by a Babysitter
Babysitters are another option to consider. This type of service takes place in your own residence or in the residence of the babysitter, with an individual who is paid to look after your children. Some considerations:
Advantages and disadvantages
Advantages
In the case of a babysitter looking after your children in your own home, you can be assured that your child is in a comforting, non-institutional environment. You child is also getting more attention from his caregiver since the child-caregiver ratio is smaller than in an institutional care situation. Your child is also less likely to contract contagious diseases since there is less contact with other children.
Disadvantages
Although a babysitter can provide for your children's physical needs, the babysitter may not be able to stimulate his emotional and cognitive development. In addition, home-based care is not licensed, unlike centre-based care. Learn how to assess the suitability of a babysitter.
Assessing the suitability of a babysitter
There are some important factors that you should bear in mind when assessing the suitability of a babysitter:
- The language spoken at the babysitter's home should be similar to that spoken at home, to enhance your child's language development and social interaction.
- There should be mutual agreement on childcare practices, especially in relation to discipline so that there is consistency in the approach.
- The babysitter's ability to meet the basic physical as well as the emotional and psychological needs of your child should be acceptable to you..
Setting ground rules
It is important for you to discuss issues such as feeding, sleeping arrangements, discipline etc. with your babysitter and set clear ground rules from the start. Let the babysitter know how you would prefer her to handle several important issues. Here are some tips:
Discipline. Describe a few scenarios so that she understands your approach. For example, discuss how you deal with temper tantrums (e.g. by having a time out) and not that you don't hit or spank your children (so the caregiver must respect and continue that course of action).
Feeding. Talk about how, when and what you want your children to eat. For instance, if your child is an infant, make it clear that you do not want to feed her with solid food until he is at least six months old.
Sleep. Inform her of your child's sleeping habits. Also, make sure that there is a quiet, safe and clean sleeping place provided for your child.
Play time. Give her a list of the activities you want your children to be involved in, acceptable toys for them to play with and guidelines for watching TV.
Preparing your children for babysitter care
There is bond between a parent and child that is usually formed by the time the child is about seven or eight months old. Before that, an infant willingly goes into arms other than that of his parents.
By about the seventh month, the infant is able to recognise their parents and differentiate them from others. When separated from them at this point, the child may become distressed.
To minimise the effects of separation, there are a few tips to follow:
- Provide experiences of brief separation, i.e. a few hours, prior to a longer separation.
- Prepare your child adequately by taking him to the babysitter's home for visits to familiarise him with the babysitter and the new environment (if that is the case).
- Allow your child to bring along something familiar, such as his favourite toy and provide ample toys and play facilities (under good supervision) to avoid boredom, which may lead to distress.
- For day and night care, maintain frequent contact with your child during the separation to maintain a close relationship with him.
Care by a Foreign Domestic Worker (FDW)
Care by a foreign domestic worker is another option you can take when entrusting your children to another person's care. There are advantages and disadvantages that you should consider, prior to deciding that an FDW will be the best choice for the care of your children.
Advantages and disadvantages
Advantages
As your children will be cared for in your home, you can be assured that they are in a comforting, non-institutional environment. Like relative and babysitter care, your children are also less likely to contract any contagious diseases as there is less contact with other children.
Disadvantages
FDWs may come from different social and cultural backgrounds. It is a concern of many parents that FDWs may be teaching their children a set of values that may not correspond to theirs. Often FDWs are unlikely to have any formal training on childcare and may not have any experience. As such, they may not be able to provide quality care for your children.
Family Day Care Services
The Family Day Care Service is a more formalised version of the conventional nanny and baby-sitting services. It provides working parents with an alternative child care option in the form of home-based care by caregivers.
This Service is suitable especially for infants and toddlers who require greater individual care and attention. Other than regular day care, the Service also provides care for children on an occasional basis. This flexible care arrangement allows parents to work out mutually acceptable arrangements with the caregiver.
MCDS promotes and facilitates the implementation of the Service at community level through selected child care centres. These centres coordinate training for the caregivers and match them with parents who need their services.
For a list of selected child care centres coordinating the Service, please click here.
Training of Caregivers
The Association for Early Childhood Educators, Singapore is the approved training agency to conduct Family Day Care Provider course for caregivers. More details on training of caregivers are available at:
Association for the Early Childhood Educators, Singapore (AECES)
http://www.aeces.org/
AECES @ HOUGANG
Blk 18 Hougang Ave 3,
# 01-159 Singapore 530018
Tel: 6281 4989
Fax: 6281 4328
AECES @ ADMIRALTY
Blk 718 Woodlands Ave 6, #01-658 Singapore 730718
Tel: 6368 6118
Fax: 6368 2728
Care & Learn
Parents, grandparents, baby sitters and maids can now attend short training sessions on early childhood care and development. The sessions includes hand-on activities, observation and interactive workshops in English, Mandarin, Malay or Tamil languages.
Click here for more information on Course Contents and Training Objectives.
Please contact the following providers for course details:
Association for the Early Childhood Educators, Singapore (AECES)
Tel: 6281 4989
http://www.aeces.org/
Advent Links - SAUC
Tel: 6254 9246
http://www.alsauc.com/
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