|
|
|
Parents Forever - Understanding the impact of Divorce on children
Introduction
Divorce - it is something no one wants but it happens. Sometimes, changing circumstances and irreconcilable differences mean that a couple will not want to be together. But no matter for wat reason or how peaceful was the separation, there are ties that are left behind. And no matter how much each couple wants to be apart, and to get on with their new lives, it should never be at the expense of the children. In the midst of confusion and animosity, parents might overlook certain issues that could be avoided for the emotional health of the children.
Issues Parents Overlook
• Quarrel openly in front of children
• Talk bad about each other
• Use children as messengers
Impact of Divorce on Children
Very often children experiencing the impact of divorce of their parents tend to be unsure about what is happening in their families. Like adults experiencing the grief due to divorce, children too go through feelings of shock, denial, anger and sadness. It is important to identify and know how your children are affected by the divorce.
Signs and Symptoms
• Temper tantrums
• Behavioural changes in schools
• Withdrawal and/or depression
• Recurrent nightmare
• Changes in sleeping and toilet habits
• Physical complaints such as headache, abdominal pain, etc
Be observant to such changes. These are signals your children are sending to you about their feelings. Encourage and give them the opportunity to express their feelings about the divorce and time to accept the loss in their family.
Effective Parenting After Divorce
Divorce is a traumatic experience of everyone in the family. It is important for you to be be aware of how your children are affected by the divorce.
Here are some ways you could adopt to help each of your children adjust to the change:
• Encourage your child to talk about divorce and express his/her feelings.
• Tell your child "It is okay to feel the way he/she feels".
• Assist him/her to cope with his/her feelings in appropriate and acceptable way.
• Explain the changes in the family that are likely to happen.
• Be alert to the behavioural changes that are likely to happen.
• Continue to give your child the attention he/she needs by making sure you are still available as parents.
• Show your care and concern
• Encourage contact between the child and both the parents
• If you have issues with your ex-spouse, deal with them in an adult manner. Do not get the child involved or caught in between.
Summary
It is necessary for children to develop stable relationships with both parents. Seeing both their parents sharing parental responsiblities gives them a sense of security. Only close relationships with both parents could provide the children with most of the emotional benefits and cushion the effects of divorce.
Helpline
If you need any assistance on issues pertaining to your divorce and how to be an effective parent, you may contact any of the following:
Family Service Centre Hotline
Tel: 1800-838 0100 (toll-free)
Help Every Lone Parent (HELP) Family Service Centre
Tel: 6457 5188
Family Justice Centre
Subordinate Courts
Tel: 6435 5077
|