|
|
|
Problem-Solving with STAR1
The STAR approach defines the child guidance process:
S - Stop and Focus (on yourself, your child and the problem)
T - Think of Ideas (lots of different ideas)
A - Act Effectively (the most wonderful plan will not work if you don't do it)
R - Review, Revise and Reward (tweak the plans several times till the situation is satisfactorily resolved)
Applying the STAR
(The STAR tools comes with 5 sets of parenting tools)
1. Look for Good Behaviour
 The easiest way to get good behaviour is to look for it.
• Give Attention - all children need attention. If you notice them being "bad", they will misbehave.
• Praise - be specific, sincere and immediate. Praise efforts other than success.
• Reward - something the child wants and has to be given right away for the specific behaviour
Note:
• When a reward is given ahead of time to prevent certain behaviour, it becomes a bribe.
• When the child learns the new behaviour, rewards should be gradually decreased.
2. Avoid Problems
The easiest way to solve a problem is to avoid it.
• Avoid problems by preventing them and not by pretending that they do not exist.
• Make expectations clear - tell the child what to do instead of what not to do.
• Tell the child how to succeed rather than how to fail.
• Change the situation - change the environment or setting, the schedule or activities.
3. Acknowledge Feelings
Life will be more pleasant when you acknowledge the feelings
• Use simple comments like "okay", "uh-huh", "really", "tell me more" to indicate you are listening.
• Active listening - give the child full attention. Describe the situation and the child's feelings.
• Grant in fantasy - give the child in pretence what you can't give him in reality.
4. Set Appropriate Limits
• States clear rules - geared to the child's age and personality.
• Develop consequences - make it a real choice that is related to the child's behaviour. This needs follow through in a gentle and yet firm manner.
• Differentiate consequence from threat (which tends to frighten/shame the child into obedience).
• Follow through - carry out the consequential action immediately.
Note: The effect of the rule is weakened every time an exception is made. Re-set the limits and explain to the child the reasons.
5. Teach New Skills
• Identify and list the abilities the child needs to complete the task.
• Model exactly what you want the child to do and encourage it with attention and praise.
• For a complicated task, divide it into small steps and teach him each step.
• Re-do the task until the child gets it right, especially when teaching physical habits.
|