Think about it – how do babies and toddlers learn about the world? They grab stuff, put things in their mouths, drop objects repeatedly on the floor, or try to force, say a triangular block into a square shape – in other words, they adopt hands-on, trial-and-error ways to learn about the world.

But aged three or four onwards, kids can start using language to help them figure out the world. As Rahima Baldwin, a Montessori expert and author of You are Your Child’s First Teacher says, “In learning the names of things, a child begins to combine a concept or idea with a percept (the perception itself, devoid of any conceptual content). Meaning emerges as images and ideas start to form, connecting the outer world with the inner, mental world.”

This is why an older child can look at a blue sky and wonder why it is blue. He can even ask questions about something that is not even present in his immediate environment. He has also developed a sense of time and space, a separation of self from the rest of the world. Babies and toddlers on the other hand, are famously self-centred because they have not yet developed this sense of self apart from the larger world.

So while these questions are natural enough, how should we parents handle them? If you think about it, it is extremely flattering that our children think we know everything. Enjoy that delusion while you can – it doesn’t last! Obviously, we want to encourage this inquiring spirit as much as possible, and most of us will muddle through alright, but I’ll be the first to admit that more than once, I’ve succumbed to that age-old tactic, "Ask your father".

Here are some tips to remember the next time your child asks one of these complicated questions:

Keep it simple
Because children’s questions can sound so mature and sophisticated, we think they need a sophisticated answer. In reality, their verbal skills still outpace their cognitive understanding and their attention span is still limited.

“For example, when your four-year-old asks, ‘Why does the sun shine?’ he is quite satisfied by the answer, ‘To make the plants grow and keep us healthy,’” says Baldwin. “He doesn’t need an answer about burning gasses and ultraviolet rays, which introduces concepts he has no way of understanding.”

Show and tell
Many educational theories place a lot of emphasis on learning by doing, hence the remarkable body of equipment and hands-on material in these establishments. If your child asks why there are waves on the ocean, fill the wash basin with water and blow on it. It is a better explanation than a lengthy discourse on the influence of the moon.

A girlfriend of mine once excitedly stopped her car next to some road works because they had revealed a giant pipe beneath the road surface. “Rebecca wanted to know where the water in the WC went and suddenly, I realise I could show her this huge sewage pipe!”

Keep it factual
Don’t be tempted to make up fairy tales about storks or monsters. If your child asks that famous question about babies, don’t tell them you pick him up from a garbage bin or that he was adopted (some parents’ sense of humour can be very unpredictable). You may not realise how easy it is to cause confusion or fear.

I still remember swallowing an orange pip by accident as a child and having my mum tell me that a tree would probably grow out of the top of my head. I spent many unnecessarily restless nights afterwards, pressing my head hard against the wall to stop a tree sprouting!

Don’t overreact
If your child asks a seemingly heart-stopping question about death, illness, war or sex, don’t lose your cool. Remember, kids are exposed to many things via television, magazines or peer groups these days, so their interest may be easily perked. Stay calm, and ascertain what they already know or actually want to know.

If a child asks a question about terrorists, maybe what he is looking for is reassurance that he is safe. If he asks about sex, it does not mean that he is interested in having sex or that he is deliberately being provocative.

Tailor your answers
Use age-appropriate words and expressions. Children at different developmental stages need different kinds of input, so it might even be necessary to have different conversations within the family. Kids between the age of six and ten know the difference between fantasy and reality – they worry about kidnappings more than monsters under the bed – but they lack perspective.

If they hear about one death, they might think many people are dying. What they need is to develop a more realistic assessment of danger, especially in their immediate environment. Smaller children can only take in small bits of information at a time. They might be easily discomforted. Look at their facial expressions and body gestures. If they show they would rather do something else, follow up later by asking if they remember the last conversation or have any more questions.

Follow up with questions later
While it is a conscientious parent who tries to answer a child’s questions immediately and accurately, the truth is we do not always have the time, energy or information to do so. And even if we do, we should not always indulge.

If your child blurts out loudly an awkward question about the boy with Down’s syndrome or the blind man sitting opposite him on the MRT, it is perfectly acceptable to bend down and whisper briefly, “Thanks for asking. When we get home, I’ll be able to tell you more.”

Refer to other sources
Let’s face it – we just don’t know everything. Encourage your kid to ask their teachers or a relative or an older sibling, look up a book or check out a website. If they are old enough to be in school, they are old enough to learn the rudiments of fact-finding and research. In fact, the Internet is full of all sorts of possibilities.

Article extracted from Motherhood magazine, April 2005.  You can visit http://www.motherhood.com.sg/ for more information.