Becoming A Mother

Most women will go through a period when they feel “out of sorts”.  These mood swings (going from feeling euphoric to feeling low) are caused by the fluctuating hormones combined with the tiredness that comes from the nights of interrupted sleep and the busy days following childbirth.  These seemingly difficult moments of being weepy, feeling down, anxious or emotional will soon pass.  However, if the commonly known symptoms of baby blues become worse, you could be suffering from postnatal depression.

Baby blues or postnatal depression?
The signs vary from woman to woman.  But generally, the symptoms of postnatal depression include a loss of appetite, feeling of total inadequacy, being over-whelmed with sadness, extreme fatigue, growing feelings of hopelessness and helplessness, a lack of concern for appearance, insomnia and confused thoughts and difficulty in concentrating.  Many women are too embarrassed to express how they feel.  But seeking professional help and receiving the necessary treatment, for instance, counseling or taking medication, will help to stabilize the condition.

Practical coping skills
1) Avoid straining yourself physically:  The labour and delivery will leave you physically exhausted and even in pain.  Avoid exertion so that your stitches or wound can heal properly.  Get lots of rest to regain your energy.  Learn to lower your housekeeping standards.  Make do with a clean and tidy house, not a spotless one.

2) Take care of your needs:  Replenish your resources from time to time.  If you feel good about yourself, you will be a happier mother and your child will benefit ultimately.

3) Keep yourself attractive:  When you look good, you will properly feel good too.  Buy something new to wear that flatters your postpartum figure.  Get a new haircut or manicure.

4) Avoid isolation:  Do seek out friends and visitors.  Surround yourself with positive people."

5) Involve your husband:  Be specific in telling your husband what you want, for instance, help with the baby or time to talk with him.  Remember your husband is undergoing an adjustment himself.  Now is not the time to expect him to be able to read your mind.

top

What the Husband Can Do

Be aware and prepared for your wife’s postpartum blues
Take note of the signs and symptoms.  It is important to know that these feelings are common and usually pass, especially, if you are supportive and reassuring.

Be realistic and practical in coping with your wife’s postpartum blues
• Do not try to argue or reason with her when she is emotional
• Let her express her feelings and empathise with her rather than be critical
• Do all you can to give her time to rest
• Get her to eat regularly even if she is not hungry
• Do not add to her stress by making major changes like moving house or changing jobs
• Seek professional help if things get out of control

Be supportive and loving
Your wife has gone through a lot from pregnancy to delivery.  She needs you to reassure her of your love through thoughtful gestures.  Perhaps, send her flowers or buy her a gift or go shopping with her.  If you are overseas, during her delivery or have to travel soon after the birth of your baby, call her everyday to talk to her, even if it is just for a few minutes.  Do all you can to boost her self-esteem, especially if she is depressed over her post-birth figure.

Be protective of her privacy
There will be well-wishers who are keen to see the baby.  Ensure that visits do not overwhelm your wife.  A new mother needs rest and sleep to recover from the physical stresses of labour.  She also needs time to breastfeed her baby.

top

Becoming a Father

One of the most important and impactful events for a man is becoming a father.  You care your son’s main male role model as he travels on the long journey towards manhood.  As for your daughter, you are the one from whom she learns what to expect from other close male relationships later in her life.  All these may sound daunting but with lots of learning and love, you will find that fatherhood is the most rewarding job that you will ever have.

Practical coping skills
1) Meeting your own needs:  Finding ways of meeting your needs is important for both you and your wife.  This will ensure that you have the energy and drive to be a source of protection for your wife and baby, enjoying their company and providing for them.

2) Be prepared for postpartum blues:  Men can also suffer from postpartum blues.  It is often related to feeling left out or being ignored because your wife is paying more attention to your newborn.  If is not unreasonable to have feelings of envy, frustration and resentment.  But leaving those feelings unchecked and unexpressed appropriately is unhealthy.  Share your struggles with your wife but do not make demands on her.  Or, confide in other more experienced and trusted fathers.

3) Be involved with your baby right from the start:  Some fathers think they do not have to offer an infant, except to bring in the income to feed an extra mouth.  However, spending time with your baby by playing with him/her, taking him/her to the park, singing and reading to him/her, and bathing him/her are also ways to help you overcome the postpartum blues and bond with your baby.

4) Expect and accept the changes in your life:  You probably had more time to do things on a whim and a fancy before your baby was born.  Now that routine has been disrupted – you will always need to consider your baby when making plans.

top

What the Wife Can Do

Recognise your husband’s difficulties
Accept that your husband may also be undergoing an emotional time as he adjusts to his role as a father.  Be understanding if he shares his innermost feelings with you.

Allow him to make mistakes
You have more time and opportunities to get used to your baby.  Allow your husband time to handle and care for your baby as best he can.  Refrain from criticizing him if he fumbles.  Resist the temptation to insist on him caring for your baby your way.  As long as your baby’s safety is not compromised, accept your husband’s style.

Give him some of your time and attention
Caring for your baby may be time-consuming.  Or you may want to spend all your waking moments with this bundle of joy.  But try to reserve some time and attention for your husband; it will aid your relationship as a couple.  He needs your love and assurance as much as you need his.


1st Time Father
top