Making your Marriage Work

The connection between you and your spouse can be easily eroded in the course of raising a family.  Staying connected to each other as a couple is important not only for your relationship, but also that with your children.  Parents who are happily married are more likely to have children who are emotionally healthier.

Make Time For Each Other

Try some of these ideas to strengthen your couple time:
• Schedule a weekly “date night”
• Email or SMS notes to let your spouse know that you are thinking of him or her
• Make use of any available free time, such as meeting for lunch or chatting after the baby is asleep, to catch up with each other
• Continue with the hobbies that you enjoyed together before your baby was born.  Find a reliable baby-sitter to take care of your baby and for mothers, express your milk if you are breastfeeding to cater to hobby time
• Talk about things other than the baby
• Spend a weekend away as a couple when your baby is older.  Find people you can depend on , such as grandparents or close relatives or friends, to look after him while you are away.

Keep the romance alive

Your sexual relationship with your spouse will probably take a backseat for awhile, especially during the early weeks of baby’s arrival.  Communication, flexibility and commitment are needed to restore balance and enhance your love life.  Here are some ideas to help you maintain a close relationship:
• Take time to talk about your sexual needs and expectations
• Concentrate on other levels of closeness in your relationship.  This will gradually lead to a good, sexual relationship
• Recognize the hindrances to sexual satisfaction such as fatigue, unrealistic expectations and criticisms
• Work towards finding the time to resume physical closeness

No matter how angry you are with each other, make conflict and issues off-limits during sensual and sexual times together.  Control your anger rather than let anger control you.  Do not go to bed still angry with each other.

Communicate with each other

Communication is the best tool to defuse anger and prevent arguments.  Not bringing things out in the open may lead to anger and resentment, thereby resulting in frequent quarrels.  So make time to communicate.  Keep these rules in mind.

1. Set aside uninterrupted time
2. Talk about how you feel or what is bothering you
3. Listen to your spouse to understand his concerns and feelings and do not criticize
4. See things from your spouse’s point of view
5. Make sure your spouse knows that he or she has been heard
6. Avoid put-downs
7. Learn to compromise on issues that you disagree on
8. Keep a sense of humour.

Be committed

Being committed means sticking by each other through thick and thin and making the relationship work – no matter what.  As commitment brings security to your spouse, consider these:
• Say “I love your” regularly
• Make long-term plans together
• Drop the word “divorce” from your vocabulary
• Build your spouse’s self-esteem
• Remember your love story and tell it to each other
• Demonstrate acts of kindness.  For instance, take your baby for a walk so that your wife can rest.  Or, cook your husband’s favourite dish to thank him.