Preparing For Parenthood

Raising children is one of the most fulfilling jobs in the world. Yet, it is also one of the toughest jobs - one for which you may feel the least prepared. There are areas that need to be discussed with your spouse and decisions to be made even before the arrival of the baby.

Roles And Expectations As Parents

With new experiences come new expectations. There is bound to be differences in opinions between you and your spouse on parenting styles. These differing views could be related to the individual’s upbringing and family background.

Be aware of these differences. Talk about them so that they do not become sources of dissatisfaction and conflict. Being open about things can lead to a better understanding between you and your spouse.

Here are some questions to help you kickstart your discussion:
• Discuss and agree on the kind of parents you would like to be.
• What are your expectations about raising your child?
• In what ways would you like your spouse to be involved with the baby?
• How do you plan to share the parenting and work responsibilities as a couple?
• Who should be the primary caregiver if either or both of you go to work?
• How do you handle interference from in-laws and relatives over child minding?
• What are the areas and issues on childcare and development that both of you should discuss? For example, buying child insurance, how to feed your baby, should you use a pacifier, and where should your baby sleep?

top


Psychological And Emotional Preparation

As first-time parents, you may find it hard to imagine how dramatically and permanently your baby will turn your life around. You will experience a range of emotions - excitement, apprehension, fear, doubts and even anxiety. These emotions are normal but taking steps to prepare yourself psychologically and emotionally before your baby arrives is necessary. Here is how:

• Attend prenatal classes together as a couple.

• Join a support group for parents-to-be.
These sessions help couples promote positive family and parent-child relationships. They are also opportunities for networking and cultivating friendships.

• Talk to your parents, close relatives, a good friend or even a counsellor if you have conflicting or negative emotions.
E.g. unplanned pregnancy, an unsupportive spouse, or if you are on your own. They can lend you a listening ear and help you put things in perspective.

top


Financial Preparation

Children bring added expenses to the family budget more challenging, especially if one parent has decided long-term financial plans early.

• Budget a certain amount of your income for cleaning helper, insurance and confinement.

• Start setting aside a portion of your income for your baby’s future.

• Readjust your budget if one parent, who is now working, plans to stay home.

• Save ahead - to make up for lost income - if a working mother plans to stay home on no-pay leave beyond the paid two-month maternity leave period.

• Clarify what are the “essential and non-essential” expenses.

• Start living within your means. For instance, instead of going to Europe for a holiday, consider nearby destinations that will not put a dent in your finances.

• Resolve any credit card debts.

• Avoid buying branded and expensive things for your baby. He will outgrow them before you realise it. Think about using “hand me downs”.

top


Physical Preparation

This aspect of your pregnancy may be the most exciting for you. Once pregnancy is confirmed, seek ante-natal care (regular check-ups by a doctor) to ensure that the pregnancy is carefully monitored.

Shopping for your baby needs planning too. Try to do your shopping in stages. Do not leave everything to the last minute. Otherwise, you may end up spending unwisely or buying unsafe products.
• List how much of each item to buy depending on things like your budget and hand-me-downs from other children.
Download a checklist on essential items for the first year.
• Buy minimum requirements first and see what you get as gifts.
• If you are a first-time parent, shop with a friend or relative as they can provide valuable advice.

top


Social Preparation

• Keep in touch
Extend an open invitation to your relatives and close friends to keep in touch so that you won't feel cut off from your normal social contacts.

• Effects on marriage
Other than your spouse, there is now another individual needing your attention. Both you and your spouse will need to adjust to this fact. Don't be preoccupied with the baby to the point of excluding one another.

• Prepare older children
Involve your older children in the preparation for the baby's arrival. You can make the discussion and preparation suited to their age and level of maturity. Let them accompany their mother to ante-natal check-ups, feel her growing tummy, listen to the baby's heartbeats, etc. and involve them in choosing the baby's name.

You can also plan necessary changes for them ahead of time (e.g. changing sleeping patterns, childcare arrangements) and allow time for them to settle in before the baby arrives. Discuss with them some of the expected changes with the coming of new baby, like how mummy and daddy will have to give a lot of attention to the care of their new sibling and how they can help care for the baby. Be sure to frequently assure them that both of you don't love them less because of the new baby.

top


Breastfeed Or Bottle-feed?

Decide ahead of time how you plan to feed your baby: Your decision will dictate what you need to buy and how you should prepare to breastfeed. Whatever the decision is, the mother will need time, patience and support, especially from her husband and family members.

top

Childcare arrangement

You should consider the following childcare arrangements:

Relative
State clearly some expectations right from the start to avoid unnecessary misunderstanding with them. You should agree on some child rearing practices and know the differences to expect. You should also explore, as a couple, the pros and cons of such an arrangement, the likely issues that may arise and how to resolve them.

Live-in maids
Consider the likely personal qualities and abilities that you would expect in this helper. Where there is no adult to supervise the helper, choose one who is mature, able to work independently and has some experience in caring for children.

You should tell the helper clearly what your expectations are and give clear instructions for childcare and household duties. Keep in mind that your helper is adjusting to a culture and way of life that is foreign to her own (if she comes from another country). Treat her with patience and kindness so that she can successfully adjust to the changes and perform her duties well.

Private foster homes
This option involves leaving your child at the home of a caregiver. Before a decision is made, visit and interview the prospective caregiver at her home.

During the interview, look out for the following:
• whether she is warm and reliable
• whether she is interested and experienced in the care of young children
• her personal habits e.g. does she smoke, how she spends her free time at home, etc. the cleanliness of her home
• whether her home is adequately child-proofed for your child's safety
• preferably, no more than 3 young children are being cared for in her home. Observe whether these children appear happy and how they relate to the caregiver does she share some of your values on important issues such as discipline

Childcare centres
You should consider the following factors:
• Location: Is it convenient?
• Fees
• Age
• Vacancy
• Programme


How do you make a decision? Consider:
• Your budget
• The needs of your child
• Availability of preferred arrangement

Tip: A child below 3 years old benefits most from one-to-one interaction with adults. Older children who are ready for mixing with other children may find it more stimulating to be in a group care setting.

FAQs on procreation incentives, covering:
- Baby bonus
- 3rd child maternity leave


Preparing your children for the baby

top