The questions below will tell you whether or not you have been treating family members in a way that is abusive or that may lead to abuse . If you answer "Yes" for more than two questions, you are at risk that family violence is or will be part of your life.

• Are you extremely jealous and possessive?
• Do you have an explosive temper?
• Do you often or constantly ridicule, criticise or insult your family members?
• Have you broken things or thrown things at others?
• Have you hit, grabbed, pushed, kicked or otherwise injured others when you were angry?
• Have you threatened to hurt or kill others or someone close to them?
• Have you forced others to have sex, or intimidated them so they are afraid to say no?
• Have you threatened to kill yourself if your partner leaves you?
• Do you constantly question your partner about his/her whereabouts or phone calls?
• Do you spy on your partner or call constantly to check on him/her?
• Do you feel you have the right to tell your family members what to do, whom to talk to, where to go, what to wear?
• Do you give your partner ultimatums and make him/her choose between you and other things in his/her life?
• If you hurt your partner do you blame him/her? Do you make excuses for your actions?

Violence often gives a person a false sense of control. You may feel out of control with your actions, emotions, your life and your relationships, and wish to get back that control. The good news is that you CAN do that. It will make a big difference to you and your family members.

The first step to making that change is to accept responsibility for your actions.

Recognise that violence can be both physical and psychological and your violent behaviour can have devastating effects on the victim and on children who witness it.

You need to deal with your anger and aggression, so be alert to your body cues and recognise your red flags.

You need to learn how to manage your anger and aggression.