|
|
|
The Generation Gap: Is it getting wider?
By Phung Khye Sun
Since the beginning of time, the old and the young have never seen eye to eye on many issues. But both generations have always made efforts to settle their differences amicably and accommodate each other out of love and concern, and respect for the old.
How are the old and the young relating to each other these days? A fellow senior citizen recently remarked that in almost every family that he has come across, parents and their married children are not able to get along with each other. Is this an indication that the generation gap is widening? I talked to several people about my friend’s observation and here’s what they had to say:
What the old have to say about the young...
What the young have to say about the old...
What do i say...
What The Old Have To Say About The Young…
Many married children don’t care or care enough for their parents little or no support in terms of money or otherwise. They don’t seem to value the extended family as much as their parents. They put less effort and time into the extended family, citing reasons such as being too busy with work, family and children. Yet they are able to spend both time and money on holidays, expensive clothes, restaurants, parties and COEs.
The majority of married children want to stay on their own as well. Many have also forgotten traditions; they wear black on Chinese New Year and other festive occasions. Respect for elders is also dwindling. Some even call their parents by their names. With little authority left, many parents prefer to “Hear not, see not”.
There are children who have tried to pass the responsibility of caring for their parents to their other sibling. There are also those who have deserted their parents and will not visit them even in the hospital. In fact, some elderly parents have been abandoned after being duped into taking a car or taxi ride.
top
What The Young Have To Say About The Old…
Elderly parents are narrow-minded and conservative. They tend to be out of touch with reality and are often biased in their treatment of family members. They nag and scold, and expect their children to always give in to their demands, no matter how unreasonable they may be. While they often treat their daughter-in-law or son-in-law badly, they tend to spoil their grandchildren, making discipline a problem.
Many continue to be parental authoritative and dictatorial towards their grown-up children, imposing obsolete standards and practices on them. Some parents treat their grown-up children like kids, dominating their children’s choice of career, mate, friends and even clothing. Others refuse to go on holidays, to restaurants or enjoy any kind of entertainment paid by their children. The children are instead reprimanded for being wasteful and extravagant, and would be lectured on the thriftiness and sufferings of the earlier generations.
There are also parents who refuse to help with the care of their grandchildren. There are some who are still able to earn a living to support themselves but, instead, choose to add on to the financial burden of their children. The less responsible ones would even drink, smoke and gamble.
top
What Do I Say…
Although no family is free from relationship problems, elderly parents and their adult children should still make an effort to settle their differences and try to accommodate each other’s needs. Give and take, forgive and forget. As and elderly parent of adult children, I understand how difficult it is to let go of your children once they have grown up. But let go, we have to. We have to give them a chance to lead their own lives. As parents and grandparents, our role is to support our children and their family, and provide guidance when needed.
Grown-up children too have their part to play in bridging the generation gap. They need to be more patient and understanding with their elderly parents. At their age, elderly parents can be very set in their ways. In order to comprehend some of their parents’ behaviour, children need to remind themselves that their parents grew up in less comfortable circumstances. When your own children grow up, don’t be too surprised if they accuse you of being old-fashioned, narrow-minded, conservative…
Extracted from Families Today
Issue No 1/96
top |