Friends, peers - these are the social circles that seem to be more influential than what home and family used to be. What others think, especially the opposite sex, means a lot.

At times it feels like everything you do or say is under a microscope, which can be stressful when you worry about whether or not you are doing the "right thing" or feeling or behaving in the "right way". There are two theories that have been formulated by a psychologist named David Elkind that might be able to explain some of the feelings you are having.

The imaginary audience
The personal fable
What are feelings and emotions for?

"The Imaginary Audience" is when you believe that others are preoccupied with your appearance and behaviour - even more than you are! It is the feeling you might have that everyone is watching your every move, and every single person on earth notices the acne on your face, for example. In truth, most people feel the same way and are more concerned with their own experience than what is going on with others. The spotlight isn't really on you even when it feels like it.

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"The Personal Fable" is when you feel that what you are going through is unlike any other experience in the world. While each of us is individual in our own ways, there are some experiences that are similar to different times of our lives. You'd be surprised at how many people you know, even older people in your life, have gone through some of the same things. You might be able to share experiences.

Sometime this "Fable" also makes you feel omnipotent and indestructible, which means that you might take greater risks than normal - trying alcohol or drugs that can get you hooked. Unfortunately being young and cool doesn't exempt you from getting addicted to these substances. Often these things are only distractions from some of the confusing emotions that seem to pop up all the time! If you know what these feelings really mean, you are better able to deal with them in the real world, instead of needing artificial supports. Find out what some of your feelings are saying to you!

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What are Feeling or Emotions For?

Our feelings let us know when our needs, wants or desires aren't being fulfilled and motivates us to take the actions necessary to fulfil them. So "Bad" feelings are really just our own built-in guidance system to change for the better! American therapist Calvin D. Banyan has outlined what some of the most uncomfortable feelings mean and are telling is to do something about it.

Anger means that you feel something is unfair to you or to someone or something you care about. This feeling motivates you to "make fair" - it is also a time for a reality check to make sure that it really is unfair, and also learn to forgive what can't be changed.

Guilt occurs when you feel you have been unfair to someone else. This feeling motivates you to "make fair" just like anger, but the other way round. You also need to do a reality check and maybe forgive what can't be changed now.

Sadness means that you've lost someone or something that is important to you. When you are specific about it and know what needs, wants and desires the person or item filled, you stand a better chance of getting it back, replacing it, or grieving as you let it go.

Loneliness means that you are experiencing a healthy desire for human companionship, because your relationships are lacking. It motivates you to make a list of the things you can do that will put you in the company of people you care about or people who share your interests. Youth Activities may help!

Stress occurs when you think you have too many things to do and not enough resources or help to do them well. You can first do a reality check to make sure that you do have too much to do, then create a plan for reducing stress. If the answer is "yes", you can reduce stress by prioritising, working with others, or resetting reachable personal goals.

Boredom means that you are not challenged enough. As a result, it means you have to think a bit more about what aspect of your life isn't being challenged and then look for ways to experience growth. Do something new and different, get involved - there are more ideas under the Youth Activities section.

Fear means that you're thinking something bad might happen to you or someone you care about. Sometimes with a reality check, there may not be any real danger, but if there's a real threat, take action. If there is something you can do to prepare for the situation, begin to do it.

Frustration and depression stem from some of these emotions. If you've tried something and it isn't working, you tend to get frustrated (along with some other emotions like loneliness, stress, anger) - try something different! Depression occurs when you feel the situation is hopeless - you have to think about, or get help from friends, family or adults you trust, on ways in which you can bring hope to the situation.

Once you start learning what your feelings are trying to tell you, you can better fulfill them in useful ways instead of trying to distract yourself in ways that may not do you any good.

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